I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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