She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize