you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
