His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
