After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize