i permit you to call me
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
