and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
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