I love watching others lives come down to our level.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
