Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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