and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
