I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize