Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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