Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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