That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
