I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
