So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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