If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
