Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
where are my eyebrows?
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