I wannas sexs uuuuu
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
