Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
