Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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