if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
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