you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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