I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
