His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
