similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
