don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
