Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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