Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
