"it" just moved
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
