My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
