you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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