just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
