think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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