We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
