Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
