ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
