I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
she looked like the before picture.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I supernannyed him into submission
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