ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
