I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
