3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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