I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
