Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
