Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
