Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
