you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
