I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
