dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
