Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I just want to make out with him forever
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
