she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
