The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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