My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
