I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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