dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
