i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize