So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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