I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
