was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
