im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
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