I like my sex mixed with concussions.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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