I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
