OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
