I think I won the penis lottery.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
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