Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize
