When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize