My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
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