areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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