You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
