the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
high people should be assigned attendants
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
my liver is dry heaving
I need a beard to bite.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
